Some days the guilt of having been born in Canada weighs so heavily on my chest that I can barely get the next breath in to continue my prayers. Some days the realization of #FirstWorldProblems dawns on me and I am over come by deep unworthy sobs. These feelings wage war within me. The cost of living, the hard work my husband puts in; day after day, building houses to be sold for $400,000+, and my own dreams and pursuits, the desire to own a home with land one day. All fraught with the feelings of how much this money could do in another country. How many children I could feed for the cost of keeping a roof over my own childs head.
My mind spinning with the global repercussions. What can I do to mend this world? What can I do with my passions and skills? More and more often I feel called to spend entire days in prayer. The age we live in where I can be within my own ‘world’, doing the errands for our household and then with the flick of a switch I can hear the desperate screams of the people across the oceans pleading for aid, hear the sounds of machine guns, and violent protests. This is our world. In the post news broadcast silence, I contemplate what life would be like here in Canada if one day our Prime Minister chose not to step down after loosing an election. What it would be like to live in the midst of an uprising, where holding a particular political allegiance would be an offense to be killed for. And suddenly I am thankful for the stress of paying rent, driving in rush hour traffic and going to court. That these are my problems, I am extraordinarily grateful. I marvel at the divine for placing me here and wonder why? What difference can I make by being here. What are my passions going to do to help humanity and mother earth?
GOD TELL ME PLEASE
What have we created? Was there ever a time when humans lived with one another on the earth in peace?
I breathe, put my head on the earth and whisper, “Oh mama, what do you want me to do?” These past two months the tears have fallen so easily, my heart wide and pierced with the pain the world over. Mama what can I do?
And in the silent mystery an answering voice so clear.
This. You must do this. Come sit on me and pray
I shake from the depth of my core and receive that message. I can do that. I can pray. I pray.
For those who are suffering
For those creating suffering
For those bearing witness
I pray.
There is no longer time for worry, no longer time for selfishness. The time of gratitude, blessings, prayer and thanks have come. For now this is the answer to my questions. For now I know to create peace in myself. Create peace in my family, cultivate peace in my community and allow this to ripple through the field and around the world.
With this feeling in my heart; I hold this prayer in the light, for I know that one day all men, women, and children will know peace within theirs.
And I pray.
