Do you ever have partial thoughts? Ones that don't fully form, possibly because as they start to unfold something inside you recognizes pain in that thought and skirts it into the background.
Sometimes I think my mind has been shattered, that the trauma was too much and that I'm ruined, that he won. That this will just keep going forever.
It's tiring. Second guessing your self worth, wondering why you weren't good enough that first time around? All the while knowing it wasn't you.
Healing really is, as they say. One step forward two steps back. Just when I thought I was doing so well, I want to hold space for healing in my heart and home. That I could offer that to my son.
Trauma is like a mine field.
and I'm the one holding the salve and bandage.
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