Some days just suck. Some days, a lot of days in the scheme of all of your life are going to suck. and you know which ones suck a bit worse then others. The Fucking-Negative-Again-Pregnancy-Test Day.

Yes, we're trying to make a baby, we really want a baby to be in my belly, I want to house another life, I want that life to grow and be born and have this incredible father that lives with me and loves me and the baby all through the whole pregnancy and life. So be it it creator!

But is it time? Apparently not and I am upset about it. I am upset that it's taking months, that peeing on a little white and purple stick can be so damn crushing!

So it's my husbands birthday and my period hadn't arrived and I thought, maybe, just maybe this was it. A special gift for him on his birthday. I bought a double test box this time, 2 chances for the price of one.

and my heart leapt when I thought the line was showing up in the right box and I turned around I couldn't even look at it it's so agonizing. But then the other box was empty and I grabbed the box and stared at the little pictures and realized, yet again that only the control box had a line in it and my motivation and excitement was swept down the toilet, I flushed washed my hands and grumpily threw the little stick in the garbage.

One day I hope.

One day.